- Sober living

21 Jul 2021

I was married to him for 38 years, he was my living amends, my soulmate, my best friend. I guess I was in shock, because I cannot tell you what we talked about his last three weeks of life, and we talked all the time, I am full of what if’s and i wishes. I know I could not save him, but I just hope that he knew how much I loved him, and still do.

What is the difference between apologizing and making amends?

Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.

My brother has been there for both my parents during my mom’s illness and my dad’s illness with lung cancer. When I am off doing things that I shouldn’t be doing for lack of a better word, I tend to retreat from my family.

Art as Living Amends: Nick Cave on Creativity as an Instrument of Self-Forgiveness and the Necessity of Hope in a Fragile World

The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends. While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past. It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well.

The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. It’s important to recognize there may be times when an attempt to make amends could cause additional harm to the other person. In these cases, making amends can involve helping people more generally, such as volunteering or donating money to a specific cause. Making amends with family is an important part of the recovery process. In fact, two of the 12 Steps are specifically about making amends.

Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends

I understand that many people feel/believe differently than I do. If I continue to feel badly about a particular issue, I bring it to God again. Anyway, what DOES help me with regrets/guilt is that I talk to God. And I specifically tell God what I feel bad about and then, I ask God, “if it won’t make heaven any less unimaginably wonderful, let my mother/dad/husband know that I’m really sorry about . The helpline is free, private, and confidential.


As you make a amends, you consciously look for ways to treat people in your life with more care and respect than you did before. By doing so, you’re preparing yourself for the next relationships in your life and becoming able to be a reliable friend to new people. Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend.

Support Our Mission

Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can. Sometimes other people need more time to accept an apology. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk.

  • When the person you owe reparations to has died, you can still make living amends by changing things about you and how you live your life.
  • It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief.
  • He died ten months ago from cancer, 26 days after diagnosis.
  • When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk.

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